August 22, 2022 update: Here we go again

I was really hopeful that this blog would just live on as something to look back on from time to time. No such luck! On July 12 I was diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer. 

Sometime around May/June I started to feel that my initial biopsy scar was changing. I've had the same scar for 4 years, so (once again) I knew what normal felt like...and this was not feeling normal. What I felt was another marble shaped, smooth lump - just like the first tumor but smaller. 

My oncologist is now with UCLA, so I made an appointment with their SB-based breast surgeon, Dr. Haji, to establish and also have this lump checked out. In the appointment we talked through my history, got to know each other, and within 5 minutes of her asking, "Do you have any current concerns?" she had felt the lump and scheduled an ultrasound. She's incredibly proactive and on it - so happy to have her on my team.

This is my "WTF am I doing here again" face before my latest biopsy

Since then it's just been a non-stop parade of appointments: ultrasound, biopsy, MRI, biopsy again, blood work, meetings with my oncologist Dr. Kass, consultation with research oncologists, meeting a new plastic surgeon, making a plan with a radiation oncologist, having a consult with another radiation oncologist. 

It's been exhausting, but it's all necessary to figure out the plan:

1. Change medication. This tumor grew despite Tamoxifen, so I need to be on a more aggressive medication. I am now receiving monthly injections to shut down my ovaries. This is called ovarian suppression and it works by stopping the signal that the body sends to the ovaries to make estrogen, which causes temporary menopause. I'll also start taking an aromatase inhibitor that stops an enzyme in fat tissue (called aromatase) from changing other hormones into estrogen. These two medications (ovarian suppression and aromatase inhibitor) work together to make sure that there is as little estrogen floating around as possible - because apparently this cancer loooooves estrogen. Lots of potential side effects to contend with, but I'm really grateful to have an option to try now that we know Tamoxifen isn't enough.

2. Surgery. Surgery will happen on August 24 to remove the tumor, remove some surrounding skin, remove both implants, and replace them with flat-ish tissue spacers. Removing the implants will provide the best situation for radiation because it will allow for a shallower angle across my chest and less damage to the left side of my chest and internal stuff like my lungs. Not too worried about this step - we've got all the good stuff for recovery lined up! 

3. Radiation. Radiation will start about 6 weeks after surgery once my skin is healed. I'll undergo treatment 5 days per week for 6.5 weeks - 33 sessions total. The radiation will be a pretty large area - the right side of my chest wall, all the way up to my collarbone, up into my armpit (regional nodal radiotherapy, including internal mammary lymph nodes). The idea is to radiate any and all of the potential areas where breast cancer likes to spread and kill any lingering cancer cells. 

4. Reconstruction. And in the far distant future....sometime around 6 months after radiation ends, once my skin is healed, I'll be able to undergo reconstruction. There are a lot of variables in this situation, depending on how my skin does after radiation, so we won't know what's possible for reconstruction until we get closer. 

All in all, it's looking like this plan will take at least the next 8 months, with everything going right.

Send It Foundation Fundraiser Challenge!

Hey friends and family!!

I'm launching a fundraiser in support of Send It Foundation and would love your support. Send It is special to me for so many reasons (which you can read about below) and, just like a Send It trip, this fundraiser will be just as challenging as it is celebratory! Your support through donations means the world to me and will also help provide Send It adventures to other young adults affected by cancer!

Click here to learn more and donate!

My SENDtember Goal

SENDtember is a full month of sending it in celebration and support of young adults impacted by cancer. I'm challenging myself to walk 3 miles every day of September, with a goal of raising $3,000, to celebrate being cancer free for 3 years!!! I'll keep track of my steps every day by wearing my Garmin watch and I'll post my progress here!

My Send It Story

Since being diagnosed with breast cancer at 28, I've been on a very challenging road of figuring out how to answer new, unimaginable questions. How will my diagnosis will affect my life? How do I talk about my experience with cancer? How can I continue living the kind of life I want to live? Send It Foundation has been central to my process of discovery and answering these questions. 

Send It Foundation provides free outdoor adventures for young adult cancer survivors. Send It is an expression that inspires positivity, enthusiasm, pushing boundaries and living life to the fullest. Born from the adventure sports community, Send It is what we say to encourage each other to go big and give it your all. Whether it’s dropping into a couloir on skis, paddling out to the lineup, or reaching for the next hold on the rock wall — go for it.

My first Send It trip was about 6 months after my diagnosis. I was a cancer noobie and I spent a lot of time listening to the other participants. I also had three kick ass days skiing - feeling confident in my body and feeling stronger than I'd felt since before diagnosis. My second Send It Trip was 3 years after diagnosis and helped me reflect on how far I've come in that time. Our group was especially close, and after backpacking 30 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail we felt like we'd known each other for much longer than just a few days. 

Both of these life changing trips were paid for by the generous donations of Send It Foundation's supporters. 

Send It has helped shape my post-cancer experience into something positive, something that has no limits, and something that I will never have to do alone. 

My Ask

I'd like to invite you to help support this incredible foundation and the amazing work they do. Your donations will help provide Send It adventures to other young adults affected by cancer. 

The process is fast, easy and secure. Thank you so much for your support... and please don't forget to send this page to any friends you think might be interested in participating!

Click here to learn more and donate!

2021 Send It Backpacking Trip on the Pacific Crest Trail

1 Year Cancer Free!!!!!

Last night was an EPIC celebration!  Thank you to everyone who joined us in ringing in one year cancer free! I was completely surprised and cherished seeing our friends and family who have supported us and loved us through it all. Extra big thank you to my amazing husband who planned the entire evening, gathered everyone together, and didn't let on once what he was up to!

Yesterday evening I was casually getting ready at home to go out for what I thought was going to be a small family dinner. Shaw and I were sitting in our living room chatting when I heard a knock at the door and a giggle/squeal...JACKIE?!?  But Jackie told me she was flying in the following Thursday! She even bought a plane ticket and sent me the confirmation! How is she here? She said, "You ready to go?" GO WHERE?!? Then I heard the cheers and poppers and saw the trolley parked out front filled to the brim with my friends and family. I immediately started crying the happiest of tears. I was so overwhelmed by all of the smiling faces from every part of my life: friends from childhood, friends from work, family from near and far. It was all so much! In the video you'll see me spinning around -- I'm not even sure what to do or where to go! So began our "victory lap" drive around town, down to the beach, up State Street, cruising and listening to the best rock out sing-along songs. EPIC celebration! We ended our ride at Agathe and Taylor's beautiful home where even more friends and family were waiting. Toasts were given from Shaw, Mom, Dad, and Christina, and we spent the evening connecting and just feeling the love all around. 

I am the luckiest for so many reasons -- but mostly because of the incredible love that has lifted us up and buoyed Shaw and I throughout this past year. I know that there isn't anything that we can't handle now. I'm so excited to see what the next year brings and last night was the perfect kickoff to what's to come. 

Vegan vs. Cancer

Before my diagnosis I was a dairy fiend. I ate yogurt and granola for breakfast nearly every morning and ate cheese with at least one meal each day...and let's not even talk about ice cream consumption in our house. But let's be honest....dairy is everywhere! Cheese is on pretty much every sandwich out there and now in our salads too. Although I rarely ate red meat, I frequently ate chicken or salmon on my salads. All of this to say, I ate a decent amount of animal products leading up to all of this.

During my first appointment in late August with my surgeon, Dr. Funk, Shaw brought up the correlation between diet and breast cancer. Kristi described her experience while writing the section in her book that focuses on diet. She said that mid-research she got up from her desk, went to her fridge, and took out all of the cheese. After finding out what she found out, she was done with it cold turkey. 

From additives like antibiotics, tranquilizers, and growth-promoting hormones like zeranol to nitrates, saturated and trans fats, there is nasty stuff in all animal products. As far as nutrition goes, there is nothing you get from animal products that you can't get from plants. 

I did my own research and decided I'd eat 90% vegan, giving myself a meal or two per week to "cheat" and eat some form of animal product. Who was I kidding? Do I ever do anything less than all the way? That 10% business lasted about 10 days before I decided that the only person I was cheating was myself and the only thing I was undermining was my own health. Beyond that, I didn't care for any of it anymore. The taste of thick Greek yogurt or an aged Vermont cheddar simply wasn't worth it to me. If you know something is actively contributing to you potentially getting cancer or cancer growing or recurring, why would you continue? We know the answer if asking a pack-a-day smoker that question: addiction. What does that say about the reason behind what we choose to feed our bodies every day? 

I highly recommend this great article that dives into the studies on the vegan diet vs. cancer. The most powerful section to me talks about how quickly diet can alter our internal health. Check this out: 

"...people were placed on different diets and their blood was then dripped on human cancer cells growing in a petri dish to see whose diet kicked more cancer butt. Women placed on plant-based diets for just two weeks, for example, were found to suppress the growth of three different types of breast cancer. The same blood coursing through these womens' bodies gained the power to significantly slow down and stop breast cancer cell growth thanks to just two weeks of eating a healthy plant-based diet! (Two weeks! Imagine what's going on in your body after a year!) Similar results were found for men against prostate cancer (as well as against prostate enlargement)."

At this point I've been eating completely vegan for a little over 3 months. I have to say, I feel great. I never feel bloated or crampy after a meal. Cooking is a total joy because I'm experimenting with recipes and new ingredients. I'm getting creative and exploring Shaw's favorite Thai dishes that I never dreamed I could make myself. Shaw is very appreciative of these meals and has almost totally joined me in being vegan. One of my favorite things is to find vegan recipes for dishes that usually have eggs - everything from potato latkes to caesar salad dressing. It can all be made without animal products!!! Keep in mind our kitchen is tiny, so all of this is happening on approximately 4 square feet of counter space! 

So, what are you waiting for? Can you commit to eating vegan for an entire day each week? How about an entire week each month? I promise it's not difficult (come on, it's not cancer!) and I bet you'll really enjoy the process of finding recipes that you like and exploring the bevy of cheese and yogurt substitutes made from plants! Being vegan is extremely good for you body, way better for the environment, and will certainly break up the monotony of whatever you're currently eating. 

You can do it!

With love, health, and happiness,

Jessie

Here's a few of my favorite products to get you started:

Butter: Miyokos European Style Cultured Vegan Butter (You won't be able to tell the difference between this and cow butter!)

Yogurt: Kite Hill Almond Milk Yogurt (I can still eat yogurt and granola every morning!

Cheese: Lisanti Almond Mozzarella (also comes in cheddar and pepper jack!)

Sausage: Field Roast (I love crumbling the Italian into tofu breakfast tacos and pasta)

Getting back in the swing of things

I'm happy to say that in the last few weeks since my last blog post....no news was good news! Things are going really well and I truly feel my life getting aligned on this path.

I started taking Tamoxifen, which I'll be on for at least 5 years, at the beginning of November. Taking it has been completely uneventful, which is better than what I was anticipating! Some women have side effects that mimic menopause (hot flashes and such) and so far I haven't noticed anything like that. If I continue to not have any symptoms I'll have a genetic test done to make sure that my CYP2D6 enzyme is properly metabolizing the drug. About 6-10% of those of European/caucasian descent are poor metabolizers, and If I'm one of them then basically that would mean that I would benefit less from tamoxifen, because the tamoxifen would not be properly converting into its metabolized form. Until then, I'll enjoy this low-impact part of treatment!

Every day I put on this scar cream that is turning out to be a strong contender for a miracle worker. My scars are fading right before my eyes! I can't wait to see how they improve in another month! After applying to my new scars I've started to use the residue on old scars on my knees and even they are fading!

I've been back at work now for almost 4 weeks and each day has flown by. I spent my second week back at work in Austin, TX for Procore's user conference, Groundbreak. I had a great time speaking with clients and eating great food. The following week I had a few days off for Thanksgiving. Mom and I explored a bunch of new vegan recipes and cooked a delicious meal. I've added a few links to some of our favorite dishes below...because mashed potatoes are great any day of the year!

Now that I'm back in the office I'm settling in more and more and getting back into the swing of this whole work/life balance thing...with a strong push on the life side of that equation. I feel really lucky to have a beautiful ocean view from my desk and the Carpinteria Bluffs to walk through when I need a break. Of all the places to work, I really lucked out to be at Procore through all of this. My team has been incredibly understanding of my transition back into work and we're excitedly starting to plan for 2019.

One thing that I've started to notice in myself is that I have a deeper sense of my personal boundaries and less flexibility when they're compromised by myself or others. Shaw frequently jokes that I always like to fit just one more thing into my day. I've been known to make a stop at the grocery store...or the gas station...or the post office....or all of the above 20 minutes before a dinner reservation. I'm the kind of person who makes one single trip from the car with all of the groceries piled up in my arms. Although efficient, this kind of task-piling can be kind of stressful. Will I make it on time? Will I drop something? This is a personal boundary issue for me because I let, or even invite something external to cause me stress. Now that I'm more aware of my personal limit and boundary I am slowing down, honestly trying to only take on one thing at a time...and it's so freeing! For external pushes on my personal boundaries I'm also making shifts. With friends I am learning to be much more honest with myself and them when I'm feeling up for doing something or not. This may seem totally obvious, but I think I have said "yes" a lot more than "no" in my life and I'm learning that it's really better to say "no" when I really want to say "no." If I'm tired, I say, "I'm tired!" and I go home. Obviously this is not groundbreaking stuff, but for me it's making a big impact on what I choose to include in each day and where I set my limits.

Hard to believe, but this weekend marks 4 months since diagnosis. I feel like I've lived 4 years in that time. 4 years worth of tears, and 4 years of laughter too.

Hugs to you all!

Jessie


Mashed Potatoes

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/vegan-roasted-garlic-mashed-potatoes-3362287

Spinach Artichoke Dip

https://www.mydarlingvegan.com/vegan-spinach-artichoke-dip/

Stuffing Cakes

http://www.thebloomingplatter.com/vegan-thanksgiving/vegan-stuffing-cakes-addicting-even-it-ifs-not-thanksgiving

Update 10/24: Healing and Transitions

It's been a few weeks since my last post but I've had to really get my head around what I want to talk about in this blog. In many ways I feel like the physical, palpable, healing part of this experience is winding down. Our apartment is starting to feel like home again. The rented recliner and TV were taken away. I'm cooking again, playing piano, driving myself, and hugging my husband with a full, real hug. Well, a little softer than before. For all the trauma that I've experienced in the last three months I'm experiencing a very gentle and calm period now. 

Our focus this week is on my second round of IVF. Despite seemingly good numbers of viable eggs (19) in the first round that we decided to fertilize (10), only 3 of those embryos made it to the blastocyst stage, but all were poor cell quality and ineligible for freezing. I didn't anticipate the difficulty I had with losing those embryos. I felt so sad and helpless for several days. In 5 years when I'm off of Tamoxifen who knows what the state of my eggs will be? I felt like that first round of IVF was our sure shot...and it really didn't go as expected. The day I found out that none of the embryos were viable my mom had me look at a calendar. Our timing works out so that we can fit in another round of IVF before I start taking Tamoxifen in early November. All of the medication is covered again by the Livestrong Foundation and Santa Barbara Fertility is giving us a generously discounted rate again.

I'm feeling really optimistic about this round. My body is so much healthier than before! I'm not on antibiotics, not weening off of anesthesia or taking painkillers. I walk to my appointments at the fertility center to get a little exercise and 'me time' in each day. After Shaw gives me shots every night we take a few minutes to slow dance. We joke that we're bringing the love back into baby making! All of these aspects are vast improvements from the first round and give me confidence that we're doing the very best we can. 

Here's a photo of 1/3 of the fertility drugs and me numbing my belly with an ice cube before doing the shots. 

Beyond currently growing ~30 eggs (so far 14 on one side and 16 on the other!!) my focus is all emotional and psychological. Now that my physical body is feeling good I can really get into the nitty gritty of my emotional health. I've started attending a weekly meditation class at the Breast Cancer Resource Center and am starting to see our therapist one-on-one. I'm also reading "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes" which is an incredible book that applies to all the twists and turns, beginnings and endings of life. Through reading this book I've been able to identify my style of dealing with transitions and sort through why I'm feeling and acting a certain way.

One of my biggest concerns right now is returning to work on November 5th. For the last 6 weeks 100% of my focus has been on me and my body and my health. Work has barely crossed my mind at all. I'm having a hard time reconciling the fact that I will need to be at work and think about work for at least 40 hours a week. I'm definitely not alone. Here's what an article says about young adults with cancer: "Young adults diagnosed with cancer experience interrupted lives...All of this impacts the young adult’s identity and life as he or she knew it. These side effects can last well past treatment when a young adult “looks fine” to the outside world while, “inside,” he or she is struggling emotionally, physically and existentially." There's no doubt that it's going to be really weird and probably really hard to be back at work for the first few days and weeks. Refocusing and reprioritizing myself and my care around the work day seems really unnatural. Careers and Cancer is a website I've been using to help sort through some of these feelings. 

Beyond work just being out in the world is kind of strange too. I don't have any outward signs of cancer. No chemo means my hair is the same. My new breasts are very similar to my original breasts so all of my shirts still fit. I haven't gained or lost weight. I'm still smiling. And yet, everything has changed. My life is completely changed. Forever. I'm never not going to be someone who had cancer. I hate that and I embrace it. I hate it for obvious reasons. I embrace it because of the impact I can have as a voice of young diagnosis, someone who self-advocated every step of the way, and someone who has gotten through it. For those reasons I can feel like there is something positive about all of this, especially when I can share my story and help someone who is also going through this. 

So, what can you do for someone who is going through a hard time like a cancer diagnosis or treatment? Here's a few things that have made a big difference for me:

• Send a card. Emails carry the expectation of a response and a call can be tiring, but a real card with a simple 'thinking of you' message or a word of encouragement means more than you could imagine. Finding cards in the mail every few days from friends and family was so special and meaningful and helped me feel like I was surrounded by love. Care packages take this to the next level. Shaw's amazing sister sent an amazing Carton Blanche that knocked my socks off!
• Don't say, "Let me know what I can do to help"!!!! This seemingly nice gesture is hollow and puts the person in an awkward position to ask, and when it comes to something like this they probably don't even know what they need. I sure didn't. Be proactive if you really want to help. Bring them a treat, schedule a time to go for a walk, listen, take them to an appointment. My sweet mom went above and beyond and did our laundry for several weeks during my surgery recovery. A friend brought over vegan ice cream just because. This is the stuff that truly helps.
• Your presence is a present. Yes, it's a total cliché but it's totally true. When everything else is changing having the people who love and care for you nearby is everything. My girlfriends made extra effort to get together for dinner and movies and I felt so loved. Shaw's Aunt Christina came into town and was here for us in every sense. For those who aren't nearby the person in need, refer to #1! Your love will still be felt! 

In other news, Wheaton College responded to my letter! The breast self-exam shower cards that were in each shower when I was a student were removed at some point in the last 6 years. My parents have generously donated the amount needed to purchase and restore the cards to each shower on campus. Those simple little cards may have made the difference between my very curable Stage II and an incurable Stage IV diagnosis. Truly life saving. Consider donating funds or the physical cards to your alma mater to help raise awareness on college campuses everywhere!

Sending you all hugs!

Jessie

Dear Wheaton College

I've been thinking a lot recently about early detection, especially during Breast Cancer Awareness Month when we're bombarded by reminders to get a mammogram. As a young woman I really didn't feel like that messaging and those reminders were for me. So what can we say and do to reach younger women? The message that stuck was the one that I saw every day for 4 years during college: "Do your monthly self-exam!" Below is a letter I wrote yesterday and sent to the current president of my undergrad alma mater, Wheaton College in Norton, Massachusetts. 

_____________________________________________

Dear President Hanno and the Wheaton Community,

I'm writing this letter in sincere gratitude to Wheaton College. Wheaton is an amazing college for many reasons, but I am writing today to specifically acknowledge the college's part in my early diagnosis of breast cancer. Not something you hear every day, huh?

I attended Wheaton from 2008 - 2012 and during that time every shower stall featured an informative card that hung from the shower head. The card showed a cartoon woman whose arm was raised above her head performing a breast self-exam and had step-by-step instructions on how to do a self-exam. This card greeted me every time I showered throughout college and, although it felt silly at first, soon my monthly self-exams were routine. 

After college I continued my monthly self-exams. Just six years after graduation and two weeks after my 28th birthday I felt something in my right breast that simply hadn't been there before. I knew what normal felt like and this was not normal. 

If you are 20 years old the chances of developing breast cancer in the next 10 years is 1 in 1,567, or 0.1%. Low odds, but it happens, and it happened to me. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on August 3rd, 2018 and had a double mastectomy surgery 5 weeks later. I will soon start taking Tamoxifen and will continue taking it for at least 5 years to help prevent recurrence. 

My cancer journey has been a negative box filled with many positives. Most importantly, my particular type of breast cancer is curable, largely due to the fact that I found it early. 

For a young woman, being familiar with your breasts is essential for early detection. Avoid meat and dairy. Exercise regularly. Do not use plastics for storing, preparing, or serving food and drink. Choose toxin-free cosmetics and household products. All of these suggestions are confirmed by research and are proven to reduce risk of all cancers. By far the most critical for early breast cancer detection is for women to know their breasts. Young women need to be diligent about their monthly self-exams and be proactive and speak with their doctor if they feel something strange.

Thank you to Wheaton College for being aware of and supporting women's breast health. Thank you to the people who hung those cards in each shower. I sure hope they are still hanging from shower heads throughout campus today. It is because of those cards that I found my cancer early and am healthy today. 

With deep gratitude, 

Austin Jessie Davidson

Class of 2012